At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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