i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?