I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...