Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.