She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers