Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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