i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
