how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
