WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
