I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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