i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
