Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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