omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
