I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
