i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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