it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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