We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't turn off my feet"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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