I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am naked and annoyed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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