So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
