I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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