you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
