I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
