I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
