She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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