So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
