I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
