I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
