I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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