I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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