I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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