How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
