Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
