I puked a lego.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is wine microwaveable?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
