I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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