How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
