I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will pee on everything he values.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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