Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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