Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
