I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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