A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
