i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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