Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
