im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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