DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
