all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
