I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize