I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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