he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
