So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
