I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
