I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
