I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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