Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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