I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
