DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
