Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
