i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
