Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
