you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
