you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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