Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
