god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
