my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
