just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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