My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
