Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
