Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
