didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
