It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
