I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize