ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
