i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't deserve a penis
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
