I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
