grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
