Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
