Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
