I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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