My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
