Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
