i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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