Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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