I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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