508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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