What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
