great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
