you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize