I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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