Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
